If you tell a man that he needs his wife to respect him, he will either immediately agree, argue against it but then reconsider and agree, or lament the lack of respect in his marriage and agree that the marriage would be more fulfilling if respect had been present. In any of these responses, however, simply telling a man that he needs respect from his wife does nothing to remedy the lack thereof. In fact, even if this is a new revelation to the man, it is not information he can use to advise his wife on the absence, and her need “to begin showing him respect.” Even if she were to agree, respect is not a function of choice, rather it is a product of experience. Not “your” experience, or whether she determines that you are “experienced enough” to deserve her respect; but “her” experience - with you, and whether she can “trust” you with her respect. Even as we consider the nature of our Fear/Respect of God, we do so because we know we can trust in him, and because we have faith in him. And He has done so far beyond what is needed to earn our respect, that the thought of it is laughable. What would it look like if our wives could respond similarly to the question of whether their husbands had done enough to earn their respect? What would it look like If their experience prompted a response to that question of a laughter-filled affirming “Oh yes!” What would that require from the husband? Certainly not arriving home from work to suddenly issue an edict of “you must respect me more!” That's where we are sure to get a “laughing, Oh yes!” But this one would be filled with sarcastic humor. The fact is, respect is not like trust. You can start a relationship with a foundation of trust, just like you can say to another person, “I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to.” But respect fits the model we hear spoken more like, “I'll respect you when you've earned it.” That doesn't mean a relationship cannot begin with an impression suggesting that respect will be deserved and grow quickly. But depending on how long you've been married, you might be working with less respect than you started with if you haven't provided for her needs along the marital journey. Thankfully, there is hope. The same hope we can apply at the beginning of a marital relationship to build respect is also available when we need to restore lost or unearned respect. Both situations are achieved through identical efforts LOVING our wives. To be proactive in this revelation of knowing we need respect from our wives, we should come home, and boldly bring forth an edict that will not prompt a sarcastic laugh, but that might instead “take her breath away.” Go right in and declare to your wife that things must change! And let her know how by declaring “I must love you more!” …or better, or correctly, or more consistently, or “in the ways God is teaching me I've lacked.” If you want to flip the switch on respect, that's how you start. If you want to keep the lights on, follow through.

1 Peter 3:7 In the same ways, you husbands must give her honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:33 Each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.