As Christian mentors, we need to consider the topic of sex for those we can impact from two perspectives – 1) the perspective of those not yet having experienced consensual sex, and 2) the perspective of those who have already experienced consensual sex. The distinction of “consensual” is important because unwilling participation is another category unto itself. But despite a need for openness on this topic, the conversation is one that needs to be handled with care and timing. Addressing this subject too early in a young person's life will prevent them from respecting the significance of the topic they aren't ready to process because they lack maturity. But by waiting too late, other influences will have taken hold, and our instruction will be delivered in hostile territory, rather than being received as the truth of Godly counsel. The context of timing is more often applied in the home, (for parents). The context of “the care we need to take with this topic” is universal.

Regardless of whether this is a conversation that takes place in the home or anywhere else outside of the home, in any circumstances we may not know the sexual background of the person we are talking to when we address this topic. Therefore, we should not presume to know. And more importantly, we must ensure that we are personally or well-grounded on the topic of sex from God's perspective. We must be prepared to discuss it as a blessing God built into our nature, for purposes beyond simple procreation.

Do NOT presume to give counsel on the topic of healthy and God-honoring sexual relationships, if you yourself are engaged in, or unrepentant of sinful sexual relations - regardless of how knowledgeable you may think you are of what God truly intends for physical intimacy and relationships. This topic is far too broad to fully expound on in less than a full book, but a foundation does need to be understood for the obligation we have to address this subject.

The first thing we need to understand is that it IS our obligation to address this subject. It is pure ignorance to presume that our children and others we can influence will gain knowledge of Godly, healthy sexual relationship design, without proper purposeful counsel on the topic. We are fighting a battle against the ruler of the world (Satan), whose purpose is to corrupt and destroy all that is pure and right. He will not allow the concept of blessed intimacy to remain undefiled. We should already consider this area of our children's lives to be under attack.

Next, depending on their age or how much confidence has been built into the relationship, we may not know their past experience(s) with sexual relations. So, while instructing on the virtues and blessings of intimacy between husband and wife exclusively, the concept of healing and redemption from past mistakes needs to be prominent in the council you provide. It will not be a mistake to teach healing.

Above all, the understanding of love should be foundational to how sex is contextualized. Whether the person we are talking to will be looking forward to a future blessed intimate relationship with the partner God intends for them, or if that person will be hoping for a Godly contrast to their painful past experience with sex, in either situation we need to communicate that God intends marital intimate relationships to be loving and respectful. Passion can absolutely be part of that. Giving and kindness should be too. Love, respect, passion, giving, and kindness are aspects of a healthy, Godly sexual relationship that we can teach others to hope and plan for.